Mandie-J

I'm replacing what was here with this blurb about my face!

Um, well, it has a nose, and eyes and stuff. Okay, not really my literal face.

I'm Mandie, a young-adult-thing from Canada. I'm a lady.

That's all I have to say.

Also, I love you. Even if I don't know you. Spread the love and junk. Okay!

I still come on Deviant Art, every day.

Some things on here remind me of sad times. I was on here a lot when I was sad, so there you go.
I stopped coming on for a very long time. When I came back, I deleted everyone I was watching, because clicking on their arts in my subscription box would remind me of how I clicked on their arts before, and how sad I was back then.
I stayed watching a few people; the lovely ladies who knitted my favorite fingerless gloves and doll (whom I accidentally removed and had to re-watch), my real life friends, one person from my anime phase who I keep up with because I love her hilarious journals. Maybe more.

Well, I'm a ghost now.
I used to comment all the time, hell, I even went on forums and collaborated fan-art.
Now, I just look... Mostly at the 30 or so notifications I get from "artisan craft" every day.
I love crafts.
Back then, I was a part of the whole DA thing. Now, I'm a spectator.
That's okay, I'm a part of other things.
Maybe.
To be honest, I feel like a complete failure at life, for now.
But, I truly am happy.
And one day I'll feel like a winner.
Maybe.

I've completely given up on art, for now. My brain is often starved and tired. It lacks motivation and creativity. I could take pictures; I was pretty decent at that. I just can't bring myself to pick up my camera these days, because photography is something Mitchel and I used to do. Ahh, that fucking guy.

I still really love art. I'm sure I'll study it in University, if I can afford it.
I'm thinking I'll focus on music for now.
I like music.
It's more... alive. I think I really need some... alive-ness in my life right now.
And the music, it weirdly makes me feel like I'm not alone. I guess it's just because sound is being made. Loud noises make it seem like stuff is happening.
Oh wow, look how much action is going on in my house! There must be a party in here! Woohoo!
- or just me sitting on my couch life some lonely goofus.

I have quite a few instruments... and I can't play any of them well. I need to learn sheet music... that'll be a major step in the right direction.

I got my Psaltery in the mail today. It's a(COMPLETELY LOVELY AND AMAZING) folk instrument I spent the interest from my last bank account on.
I'm having so much fun with this instrument. It's totally beautiful. I could amuse myself with it for months, and on top of that, I have my guitar and violin. Yes, sir! I'm set for all time.
I still plan to buy a ukelele, though.
... I feel like such a.... greedy bitch person.

I figure, I'll have my whole life to play these instruments...
I don't know when I'll move out, but, when I do, I'll suddenly have 1001 more financial responsibilities. So, for now, can't I just buy neat shit, so I can worry about using my money to keep me alive, later? Who cares if I don't use every instrument right away- I'll have the rest of my life to practice!
Also, while I live at home, I can get away with asking my mom to pitch in on things from time to time. This is my only chance to ask my mom to buy me a couple of neat rocks on Ebay (because I'm the dullest person you will ever meet, considering I love rocks), or pitch in to pay the unexpected customs fee for my (TOTALLY HEAVENLY) psaltery. I also want to see if she'll pitch in for a couple of  art supplies, even though I'm not doing any art right now, just so I can save future-starving-student-Mandie some trouble.

When I move out, I'm not going to buy essentially useless stuff, which in this case means, things I can live without. They won't keep me alive, they won't put me through school, they won't help me buy a house, they won't help me retire. Even if I love the thing so much I would trade my legs for it (if I traded my legs for every thing I liked that much, I would have like, -50 legs),  there will be no space in my budget for frivolities.

It's like I feel pressured to just... buy everything now, while I've got it easy financially. I'm still saving up for an ocarina (though that likely will have to wait until I'm done my education. Those bastards are worth more than I am, goddamnit!)
I'm even stocking up on canned goods. (Maybe that's more due to my fear of sudden anarchy in the coming years... hm...)
I feel like a greedy ass to be all, IWANTEVERYTHINGGRAAAGGHHHH
but feel like maybe I can justify it by, in the future, wanting nothing?
I don't know, man. That doesn't even feel like it makes sense.

I wrote this because I couldn't sleep. I have no clue who will read it. If you do, comment on my nonsense! It's fun. I promise.

I like coconut rice.

The epic 120 picture challenge...

YOU ARE MY EVEREST!

In an effort to remind myself to actually submit stuff, I am undertaking the epic epic-ness of epic epic-tude.
Yeah.
Epic.

THE LIST:
1. In Between Worlds
2. Love
3. Sunset
4. Deep
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Eden
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory Complete
12. Insanity
13. Abuse
14. Smile Complete
15. Emotionless
16. Caged
17. Blood
18. Candy
19. Snow
20. Fortitude
21. Anomaly
22. Forest
23. Cat
24. Me Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Never Cry
27. Poison Complete
28. Anguish
29. Curious
30. Rain
31. Defile
32. Never Look Back
33. Provoke
34. Mechanical
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Black and Blue
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Passoin
48. Orphan
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Games
52. Claustrophobia
53. Keeping a Secret
54. City
55. Waiting Complete
56. Hell-Bent
57. Sacrifice
58. Bittersweet
59. Suffocate
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Bliss
63. Come-hither
64. Amputation
65. Contort
66. Suicide
67. Security Blanket
68. Bully
69. Annoyance
70. Explosive
71. Obsession
72. Pawn Complete
73. I Can't
74. Demented
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. The Fool
79. Disease
80. Words
81. Edge
82. Forever
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Appetite
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Sephia
91. Drowning
92. Die for you
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Streets
96. In the Storm
97. Regret
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude Complete
100. Relaxation
101. Emotions
102. Act your age
103. Covet
104. Detached
105. Belittle
106. Confusion
107. Dog
108. Moonlight
109. Secret Place
110. Annex
111. Coward
112. Emulate
113. God
114. Fact
115. Delicate
116. All my fault
117. Chains
118. Ferocious
119. Autumn
120. Loser

Wish me luck, lovelies!

I migrated from kilalacool-.

I didn't get on very much, so I decided to make a new account and resolve to try to get on more.

Weeeee!!!